wakey wakey hands off snakey
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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