I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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