I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize