It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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