Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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