this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
