We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Blood and glitter go together right?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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