i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
