Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
