i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
