She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
