I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
