Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize