she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Randomize
