they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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