i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize