is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
