Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
