watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
love makes seman taste better
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
