I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
