There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
