my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
