my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
