woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
