I don't remember. Are we still dating?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
