My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
