angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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