worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
is that a dick in a sweater?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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