You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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