dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
