Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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