another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
