I just cut my nipple shaving
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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