she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
