His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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