just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
