too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
