I cannot find my penis.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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