Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
