Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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