Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
