connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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