i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
