Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
