roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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