Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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