ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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