the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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