I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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