It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
