you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
