and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
