OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
