one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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