just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
