I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
no, he came in my armpit
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's blow job season.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
