Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
