Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize