it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
