I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
