while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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