Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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