Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize