So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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